


Hopeless Romance

by daisydactyl



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Angst, Dysphoria, F/M, Female pronouns for Grell, Gen, Romance, SebaGrell - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-05
Updated: 2015-10-08
Packaged: 2018-03-29 03:26:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 16,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3880453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daisydactyl/pseuds/daisydactyl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Grell is always in search of love, and always afraid that her eternity will be spent alone. When she is given the chance to be loved instead of alone she is quick to take it. However, what happens when the joy she feels turns to fear and she begins to change? Will she find herself being exactly as she's always wanted to be, or will she become what she never believed she could be? Her life takes so many different turns that she begins to question what she really wanted in the first place, and what it would really take for her to be happy. But it's hard to think about what she needs, when what she thought was her only chance for happiness becomes the very thing that is tearing her apart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

In the London branch of the Grim Reaper Dispatch Association it seemed to be quite the normal day; everything was typical London grey and all the reapers were going about their days as they always did. Souls were being reaped, paperwork filed, and scythes repaired like they were every day, nothing was happening that could change the eternal lives that they all lead. Inside the grand building sat one particular reaper, one who stood out in bright crimson amongst the never ending sea of black, white, and grays; Grell Sutcliff. She sat at her desk in her office surrounded by paper work as usual; thoughts running everywhere like they always did, trying to keep herself entertained.

Grell Sutcliff, a well-known collections officer with the London Dispatch. With a small, thin frame and bright crimson hair she could not be over looked by anyone, even without her fiery personality. She was known for getting into trouble, avoiding her paperwork, and being a shameless flirt; needless to say she was handful for any office to handle and leaving her to own devices was never a very good idea.

Grell sighed pleasantly as she sat stirring her tea. Her good mood was flaming like her heart today, ready to envelop everyone in the vicinity within its warmth. Things just felt so…perfect; work was enjoyable as ever, William actually hadn’t completely rejected her affections for him today, for once she was on top of her paperwork, and nothing could ruin it. It had been a long time since everything had been this good for her. Normally she was getting into some kind of trouble or least behind in her work, but as of late everything was working out splendidly. She had some papers she still needed to go through, but it wasn’t as big of a load as she usually had to deal with. She had a feeling that things were going to go quite well for her today.

She looked down at her tea to see if her sugar had dissolved into the amber liquid yet; it hadn’t so she continued to stir as she started to read over her papers for the day. No field work for her to do today; pity. She hadn’t taken her special scythe out in a long while and now she was starting to get angsty; besides field work always had the pleasant chance of a run in with Sebastian. Just sitting behind a desk all day with no one else to keep her company didn’t suit her very well; all the energy she had pent up needed to be released somehow. She sighed before lazily dropping the paperwork onto her desk, maybe a quick walk would help her focus.

Her signature heels gave off sharp clicks and she swayed down the halls to the dispatch break room. The room was simple and minimalistic as the rest of the dispatch seemed to be, but at least there was always the option of good company inside of it. As she swung the door open she had to laugh quietly; once again Ronald had fallen asleep in break room. The younger reaper was snoring softly, completely unaware of the drool at the edge of his mouth or his superior trying not to burst out laughing at him. _Well, I should probably wake him before Will finds him._ Still smirking she walked up to and gave his shoulder a gentle shake.

“Come now Ronnie, sleeping during office hours isn’t the best idea.”

Ronald stirred and managed to turn his head but didn’t wake up. Grell sighed and placed a hand on her hip, Ronald was going to be difficult today. She reached out and shook him again with a little more force but all her efforts earned her was a snort and snore from the junior reaper. A gloved hand reached up to rub her temple as she realized this was going to be much harder than she anticipated, though for a moment she thought she might leave him to sleep and be discovered by William later. However she decided to show mercy on her favorite junior and grabbed a hold of his hair before getting close to his face and ordering,

“Ronald Knox, you will wake up this instant or I swear I will take my death scythe and ram it so far up your arse you won’t be able to walk for a month!” With that Ronald quickly opened his eyes, and looked around in a disoriented daze.

“Huuuuuh wha’s goin’ on?” Ronald yawned and yanked his hair out of Grell’s hand before reaching up to rub the spot she had been pulling.

“You fell asleep again Ronnie, really it’s the middle of the day dear. You’re just lucky that I found you before Will did, you and I both know he would have been far less kind to a sleeping junior like you than I was.”

Ronald stretched his arms up above his head nodding to his superior as he did so. Grell had a deep fondness for the junior; he was like a little brother to her. Though she wouldn’t hesitate to admit that he was good looking enough to give her some less than familial thoughts about him on occasion, especially with the rumors she heard from the girls down in general affairs. However she knew that at the end of the day, he was family to her, and she made a point to look out for him when she could.

“Wha-what time is it Grell? I hope I didn’t sleep through anything important or Spears’ll kick my arse.”

“It’s only a quarter to two darling, you should be fine unless you have something going on that you’ve neglected to tell me about.”

“Only two? Well that’s not too bad, and no there’s nothing’ I haven’t told ya’ ‘bout,” Ronald answered her finally standing up from the table. He kicked the chair he had been occupying back against the table nonchalantly as he strode over to place his wrist over Grell’s shoulder. She rolled her eyes as the slightly taller reaper leaned against her as if she was his personal armrest, Ronald could be a right prat sometimes.

“Well at least I can count myself lucky as one of the few ladies you actually tell the truth to Ronnie, now if you don’t mind I’m not your armrest,” she said sarcastically, rolling her eyes in annoyance as she gave him a hard elbow to his side.

“Oi! Now that ‘urts Grell, besides ‘s not my fault that you’re the perfect height!”

“Ronald, you do not treat a lady like furniture unless you want to have something that you find to be precious ripped from your groin, keep that in mind.”

Ronald put his hands up in surrender and smiled at Grell when she placed a hand on her hip; he knew that his superior meant well, but it was always best not to test her, she wasn’t exactly famous for her patience. In fact he had been on the receiving end of her real anger before, it was not a pleasant experience and it was one that he never hoped to repeat.

Grell rolled her eyes at Ronald again before giving him a gentle punch in the arm. She knew that his joking was all in good fun, but sometimes she wondered how he hadn’t gotten himself on the bad side of the all the girls in General Affairs. Then again, she knew that his good looks could get him out of a lot when he needed them to; that one thing both of them had in common actually.

“What’re you even doin’ in the break room? Shouldn’t you be doin’ some work too? Or are you hidin’ from Spears again?” Ronald asked her, classic smirk gracing his face.

“Now Ronnie, I’ve been working pretty diligently all day, unlike you; I think a lady deserves a break every once in a while.”

Grell smiled at him and went to retrieve a glass of water. Filling her glass to the brim she downed it quickly, giving a relieved sigh as the cool liquid washed down her throat. She turned back to Ronald, leaning back against the break room countertop. _Ronnie how are you even allowed to be so cute?_ She thought to herself watching as he ran his fingers through his two toned hair.

“By the way, you wouldn’t happen to have any field work today that you need assistance on? I’m simply dying to get out of the office, and besides you know I’m deadly efficient in the field; we’d be done in no time at all.”

Ronald turned to look at his superior with his hand still in his hair. He knew she just wanted to get out, and if he told her he had a couple field jobs today she’d be sure to come along. It wasn’t that he didn’t like working with his friendly superior; it was just that she tended to take things to an extreme level when they were working together. Ronald knew he wasn’t always the most diligent employee, but he still liked to keep at least some of the rules intact when he went out reaping.

“Uhh ‘m not sure ta’ be honest, I’ll have to check my files but I don’t think I have anything goin’ on today.”

Grell shrugged her shoulders in nonchalance, maybe it was just a slow day for everyone today. She wanted so badly to get out of the office and do some reaping, but if there was no opportunity then she couldn’t do it without getting into more trouble with Will. Then again getting some attention from Will didn’t sound all that bad either.

“Very well Ronnie but if you happen to find anything that you’d like to have a lady’s company on do give me a ring. Ta-ta!” She declared exiting the break room and turning down the hall as she waved at the junior.

Grell smiled to herself as she made her way back to her desk, pausing to give a polite hello whenever it was needed. As she rounded the corner to go back to her desk she stopped dead in her tracks; William was standing in front of her desk. _Dammit, Will is probably going to drill me about my paper work again_ she thought to herself watching as the dark haired reaper straightened the papers on her desk. _I hope he hasn’t been there long, if he hasn’t I can at least pretend that I wasn’t gone very long; unless he’s planning on spanking me in his office I don’t feel like getting into trouble today_ she mused, flashing a perverted grin to herself as she took a deep breath and walked forward to her desk; all the while doing her best to move her hips as seductively as was possible.

“William darling, trying to sneak a peek at a lady’s personal things are we?”

William straightened up and turned to look at her, hands still on her paper work. He was as proper looking as he always was, dressed in perfect reaper attire and ever present frown on his lips. Grell tried to suppress a pleasant shiver as Will turned his cold eyes on her; she loved how intense his eyes were, like green flames that threatened to engulf her. She had been trying to catch his eyes for years, but he seemed to do his best not to fall for her; however she was sure it was only a matter of time before he was drawn in.

“Sutcliff, it is improper for you to be taking a break when you still have this much paperwork to work through. If you don’t have this done quickly you’ll be looking at unpaid overtime.”

“Will that’s not fair! I’ve been doing so well lately, and it’s still early-ish I have plenty of time to finish everything,” Grell replied to him, folding her arms and sticking her bottom lip out in a red pout. She jutted her hips out just the tiniest bit, trying to make herself appear at least a little more feminine; if she could distract Will just a little maybe she could get out of getting into trouble for the day.

“I still doubt that, you’re far from my best worker Sutcliff and I have yet to see any proof that you are capable of anything more than flirtation.”

“Humph. Ah! I’ve got it! I’ll make you a deal Will, if I can get all my paper work done before it’s time for me to clock out, you’ll go out with me for dinner tonight, unless of course you were already planning on taking me out,” she offered trying to stifle a giggle.

William seemed to consider what she meant before shaking his head at her and replying, “Honestly you never do give up Grell; and if you don’t get it done? Besides your dining alone what do you think should happen to you? I’m not going to just let you go with nothing.”

“You really are a gluttonous sadist William, though I must admit it’s a bit attractive,” she said wiggling her eyebrow at him suggestively. When he didn’t look impressed she rolled her eyes before shrugging and continuing.

“Okay fine, the real question here is what do you want from me if I can’t do it? Besides I know you’ll just double whatever I say anyway.”

Will pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes as he searched through his thoughts for some kind of punishment that would be appropriate for Grell.

“You might be right, but I think a scythe demotion and a pay cut would suffice if you can’t complete your task.”

“A Demotion _and_ A Pay Cut! You can’t be serious, that’s not even close to fair Will!”  
            “Well if you want that “date” of yours then you’ll find a way won’t you? Now get back to work if you want to meet your goal,” Will replied to her outrage with a ghost of a smirk on his face, turning away to return to his own office.

Grell had to fight the urge to rip up all the papers plaguing her desk; there was no work if there were no papers after all. William might be handsome and manly, but he could be a right git at times. He really was a sadist when it came to work, always trying to make each employee work twice as hard for half the pay, and all the while demanding nothing less than perfection from them. She often wondered how the quiet average boy from their academy days had turned into the William that was cold as ice and as hot as the sun at the same time. Even so he didn’t need to be so cruel; she just wanted a dinner date with him.

Never mind the date right now though; her death scythe was on the line! Grell had only just gotten her favorite toy back, she wasn’t about to lose it again. Grumbling to herself she pulled her chair from her desk and sat down to start working through the mountain of paperwork in front of her. It was five past two and she was scheduled to clock out by 6, she needed to be done by at least 5:45 to appease Will. If she wasn’t so worried about losing her death scythe again she knew it would be easier, but worry made her sloppy and she couldn’t afford to be right now.

She grabbed a handful of papers and placed them in front of her, eyes scanning of them to make a guess of how long each one would take. _Dammit Will, with how much stress you just put on me I’ll be lucky if I can get this done on time. Oh well, I’d better start now if I want to come out on top…_ she chided herself scooting closer to her desk. She looked up to check the time once more before taking a deep breath and burying herself in her paperwork.

She worked diligently for hours on end, even skipped her assigned break pausing only to check the time on occasion. Slowly the pile of papers in the front of her turned to separate disheveled piles of paper; it might have looked chaotic but she knew she was making her way to the end of the work in front of her, the pile of unfinished work growing smaller and smaller. She wanted to just hurry through but she knew she had to pay close attention to each paper; William wouldn’t be fair and would demote her if she made any mistakes, claiming that because they weren’t properly filed she wasn’t actually “done”.

She wouldn’t let him stake her on a technicality; she made sure that she read over everything meticulously before writing on any of it. She made sure to double check each and every paper before putting it in the appropriate pile. A light sweat was starting to break out on her brow from the stress of trying to finish on time; she wiped it away not caring about make up that smeared on her gloved hand. _I’m so close to being done, this last one and I’ll be free! Ha take that Will, I told you I was capable, besides I think you’ll be singing a different tune after tonight’s date._ She thought to herself as her eyes scanned over the last paper and her brow furrowed in concentration. She read over it a second time, making sure she understood every word of the document before she grabbed her pen once more and signed her name at the bottom of the document.   

She let out a triumphant sigh before leaning back in her desk chair and letting her entire body relax for a moment. She was finished, she had finished every single ounce of paper work she had been given. As soon as she opened her eyes and they immediately shot for the clock; finishing everything was worth nothing if it wasn’t done on time. _Please please let me be on time, I can’t lose this one._ She thought looking at the clock, _5:43 I did it! With 2 minutes to spare! Ha Take THAT Will!_

With a large toothed grin on her face she got up from her chair and started to stack her misshapen hills of paper into proper little piles before stacking them all in her hands and turning to make her way towards William’s office. She held all the papers tightly in her hands, still nervous with anticipation, if Will was fair for once in his life she would be safe and finally get a date with him. As she made it up to the door she turned and tried to push the door open with her hip; locked. She sighed and rolled her eyes in annoyance, _William why do you insist on locking yourself away? It just makes life harder for the rest of us in those rare moments when we actually need you, git._

She tried to steady her pile of papers by holding them to her chest under her chin as she lifted a leather clad hand to knock rapidly on Will’s door. When he didn’t answer right away she tried jiggling his door knob as if she could force it to unlock if she annoyed it enough. She pushed her hips against the door, almost crashing to the floor when William finally opened it.

“I heard you; there was no need to be so rash. Now what do you want?”

“I did it; I finished everything before the end of my shift Will. Sooo our little wager says that if I finished all of my day’s paperwork before I’m scheduled to clock out you’d got for dinner with me tonight and I wouldn’t get a demotion or a pay-cut,” She said stepping inside and place her pile of papers neatly on Williams desk before leaning against it.

William followed her to his desk and stepped behind it and pulled out his chair to sit down and face her pile of papers. He pinched the bridge of his nose before pulling the pile closer to him and picking up the first set of paper.

“Very well, we’ll see who comes out on top of this little wager then shall we? You may sit while you wait.”

Grell didn’t feel like waiting but she couldn’t argue with him either; she gave a small huff and crossed her arms before sitting in one of the chairs in front of William’s desk. She watched him from the corner of her eyes as he adjusted his glasses and set to looking over her stack of papers.

It wasn’t long before she started fidgeting; she never could keep still for very long when it was so quiet. She hated to silence that covered the office like a heavy fog. William never seemed to make a single sound when he was working, unless of course he was reprimanding her about something, but even then it was always quick. As she sat in his chair wiggling around he paused a moment and glanced up at her; she immediately stopped, she couldn’t do anything that might jeopardize her chances of winning this wager. With a quiet sigh she straightened up and sat still, watching as he flipped through her papers.

When he finally reached the last one he looked it over and then set it atop the pile. Without a word he stood up from his desk and straightened her paperwork neatly before walking over to her. Grell’s breath caught in her throat, was his silence a good or negative sign? She couldn’t tell. She stood up eagerly as he moved in front of her; she tried to stop herself from wringing her hands in anticipation but she still managed to wring her fingertips around each other. She heard William let out a deep sigh and she gripped her hands together tightly, waiting for him to finally speak.

“Well it looks like you’ve won this one Grell.”

“Now look Will maybe they weren’t the best looking- wait what?”

“Oh honestly! I just told you, you’ve won this wager; it looks as if you’ll be keeping your position and I’ll be taking you to dinner tonight.”

Grell was too shocked to speak for a moment; but as realization crept over her she broke into a large toothed grin. She took in a deep breath before squee-ing in excitement and leaping forward to throw her arms around William who put his hand up in protest.

“I told you I could do it! Now then what time shall we set our date for Darling?”

“8 o’clock sharp, you will meet me outside of my flat and I shall take you on your _date_.”

“It sounds perfect Will, I promise I’ll be there, but then again what lady could turn down dinner with a man like you?” She purred, hugging herself with joy since William had made his disdain for her embrace very obvious.

“Just don’t be late Grell,” William said waving her out the door and adjusting his glasses once more.

She followed his hand and made her way to doorway before turning back to wink at him and retorting, “I wouldn’t dream of it Darling, but you really best make sure you’re ready, I’m a lady you can never forget.”

William simply rolled his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose, turning away and muttering to himself “Honestly.”

With that Grell left his office, spring in her step and smile on her face. _8 tonight, we’ll let’s see; it’s 6:13; that gives me a little over an hour and a half to get ready. Hmmm that’s not much time at all to get “date” ready._ She mused to herself, stopping by her desk to grab a few of her things as she walked down the dispatch hallway. _Oh well, any lady worth her salt can find a way to look gorgeous for a good looking man, this won’t be too hard. Besides tonight everything is going to change; I can feel it._

She took the appropriate moments to pause and say goodbye to her coworkers who had overtime or were just starting their shift; however she didn’t stay as long as she normally would have, instead she gave her greetings and goodbyes as quickly as she could and set straight for the front entrance of the dispatch. As she reached the doors, she paused and looked back behind her smiling the soft kind of smile that can only come from personal triumph, before she pushed the doors open and walked out into the fading light. She finally left the dispatch behind her and made her way back to her own flat; to get ready for her date and dream of what it could bring to her in her future.


	2. Chapter 2

As Grell approached the door to her flat she fished the key out from her pocket and slipped it into the lock. The door opened with a soft click and she strode inside where suddenly her levels of red clothing didn’t stand out anymore; no in her flat they very much blended with the surroundings. Her flat was decorated with almost nothing but various shades of red; red walls, red furniture, red roses, everything some shade of her favorite color. Every flat was essentially the same basic layout; with a parlor, washroom, kitchen and one or two bedrooms, hers only had a single bedroom, not that she minded. Her flat was simple in structure, but grand in essence.

A large sliver gilded mirror that sat on the left side of the door met her as she walked in; she paused to look at her reflection as she dropped her bag by the door. She often looked in mirrors to see if she looked decent, or to check her hair throughout the day, but normally she never made a point to actually examine her own face and features. She stood there, frozen; examining every last one of her features that she could see. Her chin that wasn’t soft enough, her jaw line that was far too harsh, her eyes that didn’t have the lush full lashes she wanted, her neck that was far too thick, her shoulders that were so broad, her hard brow bone, her lips that weren’t plump enough, her flat masculine chest; just her face and body that no matter how hard she tried to make them different, just couldn’t be the way she knew they should be. She pulled off her leather gloves and gently touched her fingertips to her reflection and her own face, trying to ignore the masculine lines of her hand. _Pretty for a man, but horrible for a woman, not even considered a woman…_ she thought to herself. Even with all the makeup she used to try to disguise all these little flaws, it wasn’t enough; underneath it all a man’s body still housed her soul.

She shut her eyes tightly as her hand clenched into a fist and shook her head as if she could force her soul out of the body in which it was housed. Grabbing onto her hair at the roots she fell back and slid down the door to the floor, still shaking her head. As she sat on the ground still leaning back against the door she tried to force the thoughts that were plaguing her to leave; all the little reminders of how _wrong_ she was. She wondered what she had done to deserve such a punishment; to be forced to spend eternity in something that she was not and to never even be acknowledged as she knew she should be. _So much for a good day I suppose, stupid mirror_ she thought to herself, trying her best to pull herself back before she fell into the darkness of her mind again. She took a deep shaky breath, holding it in for a moment before she exhaled; as if she could breathe all the negative thoughts that plagued her out of her mind. _Stop. Remember you’re going out with Will tonight; you need to look your best and be on your best behavior if you want a second one. This is no time to dwell on the mistakes of God._

She pushed herself back up off the ground, arms wrapped around and holding her together, deliberately turned away from the mirror. The normal click of her heels was silenced by the deep scarlet carpet of her flat as she made her way to her bedroom. She passed by a wall that seemed to house nothing but framed photographs and a gentle smile graced her lips as she paused to admire them before she opened the door to her bedroom.

If the living room had seemed red, it was nothing in comparison to her bedroom. There was only a single thing in the room that was not completely red; a handmade doll of burlap that bore a striking resemblance to a particular demon. It lay on her red four poster bed, surrounded by large plush pillows and blankets. As she swayed into her room she made a line straight for her bed and fell into it with a thud that pushed the air from the nest of fabrics.

As she sunk into the sea of velvety redness she reached for the crude doll and hugged into close to her chest. _I wonder what you’re doing Bassy, ahhhn if only you could be here with me instead. Hehe though if you did find your way here I doubt either of us would leave this bed again._ She thought, smiling a perverted grin to herself. She kissed the head of the doll and put it back in its place amongst her pillows and sat up, stretching her arms out with a loud yawn.

“Alright, no more moping Grell, William will be waiting for me tonight and I’m not going looking like this.”

With that she made her way to her wardrobe and threw open the doors. Sometimes it even surprised her that she was able to keep the doors closed in the first place; it was full to bursting of clothes. She had countless dress shirts, various pants, several vests, and a large amount of dresses all stuffed into a single wardrobe. She quickly pushed aside her work attire; this was not a business dinner, no matter what William might say. Tonight was a dress night, though what kind of dress was another story entirely.

Grell was a woman who loved fashion, and she certainly wouldn’t be caught in anything less than beautiful. She pulled the first few from the wardrobe and laid them out across her bed, taking a moment to carefully arrange each one in a way that it could best be viewed. In front of her were three red dresses: one made of long silk that clung to her body like a second skin, another of high necked lace that gave her the appearance on chaste innocence, and the last a rather short piece that showed off her ankles and part of her calf.

She tapped a finger to her bottom lip, contemplating what each would signal to Will if she showed up in it. _Dammit William you’re a hard man to please and you never even show an actual interest in after dark activities._ She thought as she discarded the first gown. _Hmmm maybe I would be better off just showing up in my work attire, at least you wouldn’t be able to complain about that, or maybe you would, rotten sadist._

She rolled her eyes and pulled out the pocket watch she kept in the pocket of her trousers; 6:47, she had already lost half an hour. She growled at herself grabbing at the roots of her hair again, it seemed to be a habit of hers when she felt distressed. How to dress for an occasion such as this? She had to make a choice soon if she still wanted to have enough time to fix her hair and makeup without being late.

The situation felt far more stressful than it should have been, she reached behind her bed for a stone she kept for situations like this; it was smooth and cracked from her rubbing it furiously to keep herself calm whenever stress started to approach her. She had actually only started using it after the Jack the Ripper situation when Alan suggested that she find something that could help her alleviate the stress before it got too bad. She took a moment to breathe and rub the stone, reminding herself that everything would be fine.

When she finally put the stone back in it’s place by her bed she looked down at the two remaining dresses and weighed their looks in her mind. They were really two opposite ends of a dress spectrum, one being perhaps even more conservative than William was and the other being almost as revealing as she was. It seemed to be an impossible choice, but she didn’t want to take the time to go through all the dresses she owned; it was better to just choose between the two she had in front of her. She thought perhaps it would better to at least try to see what they would look like in each, but the prospect of looking in a mirror again was one that was holding her back at the moment.

_This is Will, he probably won’t know what to do with himself if you show up in something too revealing, it’s probably better to stay at least a little conservative tonight._ She mused looking at the dresses. She picked up the short one and held it against her body, looking down to judge how it would appear. While she would have preferred to wear the one she held to her body, she knew it would be far too much to bring on a night with Will. Tossing it aside she picked up the lace number and held it up, twirling around with it.

She looked down at the lace she held to her body; it seemed older but also timeless in it’s own way. The lace had a beautiful floral pattern to it; intricate roses and leaves, scarlet against crimson. The longer she looked at it, swaying with it held against her body; the more it made sense to wear it for this night with William. He was a conservative man, he might seem cold and harsh but she was sure she could find a way to bring the warmth of red into him if he would simply let her.

“Alright this one it is.” She chimed happily as she hung it on the door of her wardrobe. Reaching up to her mouth she pulled a leather glove off with her teeth and flicked it onto her bed before pulling the other off. With her head cocked she stretched out her fingertips watching as the pale skin moved, the veins beneath the surface pulsing lightly. She was always fascinated by her own blood, how it pulsed inside her. _No time for that now_ she thought shaking her head. She needed to hurry and dress herself.

Her fingers deftly moved to undo the buttons of her vest, shrugging it off and tossing it atop her bed. With quick succession she moved to undo her ribbon, shirt, and trousers; casually tossing them aside. She looked down, eyes roaming over her own body and a deep seated sadness filling her heart as she did so. When she looked down she saw everything she didn’t want to see, everything that was wrong. With a deep sigh she closed her eyes, trying to imagine herself as she knew she should be; slender limbs and waist, full breasts, round hips, soft features, everything that a woman should be. She stood, gently swaying as she let the perfect image of herself seep into her mind.

It was an image that she’d held in her mind since she was young, always knowing that she was meant to be a woman. She remembered being a child and wanting to dress in pretty dresses like all the other girls, but being told time and time again that she was wrong, that little boys like her wore shorts and not dresses or skirts. Oh how she had cried every time her mother forced her down to cut off her hair when she found her tying it into pigtails herself. So many years of being forced to act as something that she knew she wasn’t; yet even now, though no one forced her to act differently she was still told time and time again that she was wrong. How could she be wrong though? Didn’t she know better than anyone else who, and what she really was?

She tried to shake the old memories from her mind, she didn’t have time to wallow in the past; not when what could possibly be her future was waiting for her. With a firm nod of her head she pulled the dress over her head, since it was unbuttoned it hung loosely over her slender frame. With a sigh she set to doing up the buttons one by one until she reached the last one at the back of her neck. With a grin she put her arms down and began to smooth the lace fabric against her skin.

She twirled herself around her room for a moment, enjoying the rush of air that came with it. _Shit what time is it?_ With a roll of her eyes she stopped twirling and began searching for her pocket watch. It’s balled chain stuck out from beneath her trousers and she found in a mere moment, holding it up to her face she mentally cursed herself when the time read 7:13. In all her dark thoughts she had lost precious time that could have been spent getting ready; it looked like she would have to go for something simple rather than dramatic for her makeup and hair tonight.

“Dammit I can’t believe how stupid I’m being!” she screeched pulling at the roots of her hair in exasperation. She marched herself to her vanity and sat down as she pulled her hair over her shoulder to begin brushing it. Despite the ridiculous amount of effort she had to put into her hair every day it was her favorite thing about herself. It seemed to be the only about her that felt as feminine as she really was. It’s long silky feel never failed to remind her that no matter what anyone else might believe of her she was a woman.

In a flurry of motions she worked on her hair and makeup until she deemed herself appropriate. She didn’t remember rushing through her date routine like this in quite some time, but it couldn’t be helped with all the time she had wasted tonight. She looked so much more conservative than she normally would have liked to be, but perhaps it was for the best, after all she was meeting William tonight. With the final addition of a velvet and ruby choker around the high neck of her dress, she was ready for her night. She glided out of her bedroom and back to the main part of her flat, she had enough time still left to make her way to Will’s and be a bit early.

William’s flat wasn’t far from her own, just a down the hall a ways actually. Dawning her trademark coat she gave a cursory glance to her flat, her gaze still avoiding the mirror on the wall. Her gaze was kept straight ahead as she opened her door and stepped out into the hallway. With William it was always better to arrive early rather than late anyway, with this in mind she locked the door to her flat and turned to make her way to William’s.

The walk there had never felt so long before tonight. Grell had no idea why she felt so nervous tonight, her confidence often managed to get the best of her in other situations so why would it choose to abandon her now? The clicks of her heels seemed to echo loudly through the empty hall; she didn’t understand how people weren’t coming out of their flats to investigate the noise she was making. In truth she was the only one who could hear their click, but her nervousness made even her heartbeat sound like the thundering of a drum. The relatively short distance between their flats seemed to be miles long at the moment, stretching on far past her sight.

It was a blessing that she didn’t need to breathe, especially since she was starting to think she wouldn’t be able to for very long. She would be coming up to his door soon; realizing this she tried to summon up her usual courage and confidence, but to no avail. She came to a stop, standing in the hall just a few doors away from William’s. _You need to calm down, this is what you’ve been waiting for. Will is finally giving you a chance, you should be focused._ She mused to herself as she took a deep breath.

Her back straightened up; imbibing her with a look of confidence she tried to convince herself that she had, before she strode forward to William’s door. A deep breath filled and left her lungs with every step she took, all in attempts to calm her rising bundle of nerves. She wasn’t far from his door now, but her heart was thumping wildly in her chest; after so long of chasing Will he had finally given her the time of day.  By the time she was in front of his door she was certain that he could hear the beating of her heart through the door. Her mind was running more than a mile a minute, her thoughts felt like a raging storm. She took a final deep breath and held it in before she lifted hand to rap at the wooden door to his flat.

When he didn’t answer right away she felt her internal panic begin to rise; maybe he was standing her up? She held her breath in her throat before she reached up and rapped her knuckles a little harder against the wood. As soon as her hand removed itself from his door and went back to her side she heard the barely audible clicking sound of Will’s door finally opening to her.

“It would seem you’re actually on time. I admit I’m rather surprised by this Grell.” William’s flat voice sounded as a look of mild surprise passed over his face before falling into his usual unamused expression.

“Really Will, A lady should always be on time for a night out with a gentleman like yourself~.” She purred trying to imbibe her voice with her usual confidence and sexual prowess that he was used to hearing.

            William gave her an irritated roll of his eyes before they coldly roamed over her body; almost as if he was inspecting a report on his desk. He didn’t look pleased, but he didn’t look disappointed either; perhaps that was a good thing. She thought she’d made the right decision in dressing more chastely than she would’ve preferred, after all different men had different tastes.

            “Of course,” he muttered before turning his eyes to gaze into hers. “Very well, let me get my jacket and I shall port us to our destination, wait right here.”

            “Of course darling, whenever you’re ready.” She chimed excitedly as William gave her a curt nod and ducked back inside his flat. Grell tried to restrain herself from getting too excited, but it felt rather difficult at the moment. It was only a moment, but it felt like forever as she stood there waiting for him to return.

            Will reappeared in a mere moment, having dawned a jacket of his own. He gestured for her to move out of his way as he pulled his door shut and locked his flat. Grell could still feel excitement bubbling up inside her and it was threatening to break through her surface.

            “Now then, after some consideration I’ve decided that perhaps we should dine at a quaint little French establishment, that should be a good compromise for the both of us; understood?” he asked peering at her from beneath his glasses.

            Grell readily nodded to his words, she would go anywhere that he would take her. William gave her a curt nod in return and offered his arm to her. Grell eagerly grasped at his arm pulling herself as close to him as possible. A slightly sneer accompanied a roll of her supervisors eyes before she felt the familiar sensation of being ported away.

            When she opened her eyes she was slightly surprised to see they were in what appeared to be an alleyway, she looked around curiously hoping that she would spot something to explain their strange placement.

            “Umm Will what are we-“

            “I did not want us to appear where we could be seen. This is a human restaurant, I don’t want anyone we work with to get the wrong idea, nor do I want us to simply appear in front of crowed street.”

            “Oh…alright darling, whatever you think is best.” She chimed after taking a moment to consider what he had to say.

            He gave her a curt nod before freeing his arm from hers and gesturing for her to follow him. She was a little saddened when he took his arm from hers, but she followed after him nonetheless, walking right beside him. He didn’t meet her eyes as they walked, keeping them straight ahead.

            “This is where we’ll be dining tonight Grell.” He stated coming to a stop right outside a small restaurant that was lit by tapering candles everywhere and seemed to give off an aura of comfort and warmth.

            Grell’s eyes took in the building excitedly before she eagerly nodded at him. He nodded and ushered her inside, holding the door open for her. The redhead couldn’t deny the giddiness that was welling up inside her but she tried her hardest to appear calm on the surface. William followed in right behind her before walking past her to speak to the host.

            She hung back behind as the two men spoke, not wanting to interrupt them. After a moment she felt a hand grabbing hers and pulling her forward. Will was tugging her towards the back; she followed behind him at a brisk pace only slowing when they reached a booth against the wall.

            “Here you are, your server shall be arriving shortly.” The host said to Will before giving a short bow and walking away.

            “Grell, sit.”

            She quickly slipped into her seat, large grin seeming to be plastered to her face. Their date had barely begun and already she was giddy with excitement. The atmosphere of the restaurant was quaint but lively, perfect for an evening between the two of them. Will took a moment to make sure she was fully seated before he took his own seat across from her; sitting rather stiffly.

             “This is simply wonderful darling, it’s so nice and quaint here.”

            “Yes, I chose this particular establishment for various reasons, it’s still suitable for my tastes yet small enough that I could bring you with risking too much going wrong.” He replied reaching up to straighten his glasses, face stoic as always.

            Grell wasn’t sure what he meant by that, but she opted to simply shrug it off and enjoy this evening with him. Her eyes began to scan around their table searching for her menu, but it seemed she didn’t have one; that was strange, after all William was holding his. She would have to ask their server for one when he returned, surely it was just a simple mistake. She had grown to have a rather deep appreciation for those that served others ever since the time she had found herself playing such a part. True playing to part of a butler hadn’t be too difficult but there were times when making appear that she was doing it was difficult and she couldn’t imagine what it would be like to truly have to do such things for a living.

            “Your work was actually rather satisfactory today Grell, that was something I haven’t seen from you in a while.” Will commented as he flipped through his menu.

            “Well I did tell you I was capable of that darling, must you always be so surprised when I do such things?”

            “Of course it surprises me, consider you seem to think it’s part of your job description to neglect your paper work at all times.”

            Grell was going to reply with a snarky comment but it died in her throat when their server arrived, asking them what he could bring them.

            “Actually I was wo-“ Will raised a hand to cut her off, turning to face their server with his usual stoic face.

            “A bottle of port and two glasses. And as for our food I’ll be having the _Striped Bass en Papillote_ and he will have _Fricassee De Poulet a L'Ancienne_.”

            Grell was a little shocked; she’d never had someone order her food for her before. It seemed very sweet that William would do that for her, enough that she let a smile grace her features. Their server nodded in understanding before bowing himself away with Will’s menu in hand.

            “I’m certain you’ll enjoy what I’ve chosen for you, if not then I’ll order you a salad.” Will voiced absentmindedly as he straightened his cutlery.

            “Oh well thank you for that Will, I suppose that makes the most sense; heaven knows I couldn’t have ordered anything for myself since I-“

            “Yes I’m well aware of that; that’s precisely why I ordered for you.”

            _Oh Will for a man so cold you can be so sweet_ she thought to herself as she felt a slight shiver run down her spine from his words. He must’ve really been paying attention to her if he knew what to order her; she didn’t think he’d been thinking of her like that. It still seemed a little odd that he wouldn’t even give her a chance to make a choice, but she thought perhaps that was his way of showing his interest in her.

            When their wine arrived he opened it and poured her glass for her before pouring his own, asking her how she enjoyed it taste after her first sip. She had to admit she found the taste to be rather pleasant, if a little on the bitter side. She wasn’t enjoying the silence between them and tried to make some kind of conversation, thinking that perhaps it would be best to discuss work, at least until their food arrived.

            He seemed to listen much more than he spoke, occasionally nodding or offering a comment on her work ethic; while most of his words weren’t exactly positive they certainly weren’t scathing either, she took that as a good sign for the conversation. The more she talked the more at ease she felt, words slipping with ease from her lips as she prattled on about nothing very important.

            When their food arrived she stopped talking long enough to admire the plate set before her, it seemed William had made a good selection for her, although she had to admit his food looked delightful as well. After his first initial bite of his food he gave her a nod to signal her to begin eating her own. As soon as the taste hit her mouth she had to hold back a slight groan from it’s wonderful taste. He asked her how she liked it and all she could do was nod and tell him that it was wonderful, she thought she could see the very beginnings of a smile on his lips for a moment before it disappeared again into his usual stoic look.

            After a bit she tried to strike up conversation again as they ate; deciding on their time in the academy as a better topic, one that might perhaps get him to speak a little more. He seemed to push it off at first, but the more she spoke, the more he seemed to hold an interest, even speaking up a few times, and once actually offering up a chuckle. She was starting to feel like she was getting somewhere with him.

            And so their evening went like that, all through their meal until their plates were carried away, even as they remained there drinking their wine and talking away. She was wondering just where they would be going, but when she was starting to believe she would have to give up Will finally spoke of his own accord.

“I admit, I have found this evening to be...rather enjoyable. Perhaps there is hope for you after all Grell,” William said with a rather smug grin.

Grell cocked her head at his words, what did he mean “hope for her”? Could that be William’s way of saying he might actually be interested in taking this farther than just a single dinner date?

“What do you mean Will?” she asked, taking a sip from her wine glass. William reached across their table and places his fingertips on the hand that held the wine glass up to her lips, signaling her to put it down. As she moved it down back to the table’s surface Will took his hand back and sighed closing his eyes.

“You must understand me Grell; I am not a man who accepts failure in any aspect of my life,” he paused leaning back in his chair and removing his glasses to clean them. “I’ve been paying attention to everyone and everything since our time back in the academy.  Out of our entire class you and I had the greatest potential for success, and you can see where we both have come since that time. I have come farther than many others would’ve gone had they been in my position. You on the other hand, have really done nothing more than squander your talents.”

Grell wanted to give him a smart remark, “squander her talents”? She had done no such thing! _Remember; be on your best behavior tonight!_ She reminded herself, deciding that it would be best to bite her tongue and simply say nothing. William put his glasses back on and opened his eyes before continuing, “Grell, I have no desire to spend this eternity of ours by myself.”

He leaned forward, touching his fingertips to each other into a kind of pyramid. He stared at her intently, his green eyes bore into her in such a way that it almost made her feel naked. Behind his eyes she could feel the energy that radiated from him, the real reason he could be so attractive to her. William might not have looked like much, but he housed enormous strength and intellect, back at the academy he had beaten her when it looked like no one else could; these things made him seem like a man who was worthy of her love.

“Because of your true potential you are the one person that I could even possibly consider allowing to share in this eternity with me; however you are also the one person I could not spend an eternity with, or at least you were.”

Grell was in a complete shocked silence, she had never expected to hear something like that from Will. Her, the only one he could spend eternity with??? _Will, you really are a romantic._ Her mind was in such a happy fuzz that she barely registered William’s words as he continued to speak.

“Over the last several months you have begun to show me significant improvement and ambition in your work. Today proved to me that you are capable of more than you’ve been giving me.”

“Oh Will trust me, I can ~give~ you the best night of-“

“Stop. Just stop. Don’t make me change my mind.”

Grell quickly shut herself up, huge grin still plastered to her face. The corner of William’s mouth turned up at her sudden silence as he continued.

“Good, now then; tonight you have proved that your company is not as mind numbingly awful as I would’ve expected. Therefore I would like to give you an offer of my own.”

Grell held her breath, an offer? In all the years she had known Will she had never known him to make any offers to anyone; well, other than overtime. She cocked her head and looked at him with a raised eyebrow. _Will, what kind of offer could you be talking about? I’ve never seen you like this before._

He leaned back once more, bright green eyes narrowed intently as he stared back into her eyes.

“My offer is this, for the next month you and I will go out at least once or twice a week. I will also monitor your work very closely and at the end of the month I will make a decision about whether or not to further this relationship, do you understand?”

Grell couldn’t bring herself to speak, she was too shocked. She had never expected William to say anything like that her. Her mind was nothing but static, completely unable to process the words that had just left his mouth.

“Grell? I asked if you understand.”

She rapidly shook her head, trying to force coherent words to leave her mouth. “Y-yes, I understand. Oh my goodness Will, I-I just never expected to hear such a thing from you!”

“Of course didn’t, I would never want anyone to expect me to seek out such company. Now then finish your wine and I’ll return you to your flat. You are to continue with work as usual; and not to let anyone know of this agreement until I have reached a conclusion at the end of the month, understood?”

“Yes sir~” she purred giving him a rather lazy salute.

He rolled his eyes in irritation and gestured at her to finish the wine in her glass. With a bubbly feeling in her heart she raised it to her lips and let the taste wash over her tongue, too distracted by the wonderful feeling in her heart to care about the beverage in full. This night seemed to have gone well all things considered, but then his offer had sent it flying into something far more wonderful.

With a satisfied exhale Grell placed her now empty wine glass back on the table, flashing William a large grin as she did so. With a nod from him she pushed her chair back and stood up, hurriedly pushing her chair back in and rushing to his side to link her arm with his.

“No.” He said curtly, pulling his arm from her and pushing her aside.

_Ahh must you always play so hard to get? Even when you give me a chance? Will you’re so wonderfully cruel._ She thought with a bemused grin as she fell into step right behind him. She followed along, practically vibrating with excitement as he paid their bill and tipped their waiter, all the while the cold expression never leaving his face.

“We’ll be joint porting back to the flats, I’ll walk you to your door.” He stated simply as they exited the restaurant. Once they made their way back to the same rather clean, yet deserted looking alleyway he offered her his arm which she readily took in her own. Her ringed flames watched Will give the area around them a cursory glance before he gave a curt nod to signal her that they would be porting away.

Her eyes shut tightly when she felt him begin their port, the familiar squeezing sensation making her slightly uncomfortable as it always did when someone else ported her away. Once she felt her feet hit familiar ground again she peered out into her hallway, a small bit of disappointment filling her when she realized Will wouldn’t have far to walk her at all; even so she couldn’t quash the feeling of excitement she felt from the prospect of more than just casual dating between them.

Grell clung tightly to William’s arm, despite the look of irritation that spread across his stoic features, she was determined to hold onto him for just a little longer, to hold onto the feeling of being wanted. Despite his obvious discomfort he allowed her to remain as they walked the short distance to her door, coming to a halt just beside it.

“Alright here we are, I’ll leave once you’re inside.”

Well that certainly didn’t sound like any fun. A slight pout rose on her lips before she gave a small shake of her head.

“Couldn’t I at least have a kiss?”

“No.”

“Oh come on Will! What about a hug?”

“….fine but then I’m going home.”

A smile spread across her face when he agreed as she threw her arms around him, pulling him into a tight embrace as his body stiffened beneath her touch.

“Alright now let me go Grell.”

“As you wish darling~” She purred pulling away from him and shooting him a rather cheeky wink. His own ringed eyes rolled at her antics but she didn’t care, she thought this night was the start of something wonderful. Slender fingers fished her key from her pocket to unlock her door, she didn’t want to keep him too long in case it jeopardized her chances of this continuing. The door unlocked with a gentle _click_ before she pushed it open and turned to face William again, giving him an almost sheepish looking smile.

“Well I suppose this is goodnight then?” she asked with a raised eyebrow, hoping he would take her bait and make some kind of move.

“Yes, Good night Grell, it was a pleasant evening; don’t be late for work tomorrow.” He replied giving her a nod and turning to walk back to his own flat without a single look back to her. His strong stoic form moved stiffly but not in such a way to would be awkward, more as one would imagine a Greek God strolling about the earth, full of power and purpose; how it made her melt on the spot.

She slipped back into her flat, pulling the door closed with her. Once inside she slid down her door hugging herself with a happy squee. She didn’t care about that mirror right now; how could it tell her she wasn’t a beautiful woman when a man like William wanted her? It couldn’t ruin this night no matter how loudly it screamed.


	3. Chapter 3

            The next month would be one of the most important ones of her life. As she lay in her bed unable to sleep Grell thought over what it could mean if Will approved of her after their “dates”. She was excited certainly, enough that she had to remind herself that setting fire to flat was _not_ the correct way to celebrate.

            To catch a man’s attention always provided her with a certain rush, but catching one as cold and icy as her superior was something else entirely. She couldn’t help it, cold men were a kind of prize that she wanted above anything else. They took work, time, dedication, determination, they were a challenge, and that’s what she liked. Cold men did not give their love to someone easily, and neither did they take it away with ease. She wanted that, she wanted to earn such a man’s love and know that it was only to be hers.

            She sprawled herself out across her parlor’s sofa, hugging one of its pillows to her chest with a large, almost schoolgirl-ish smile on her face. She understood there would still be a bit to go before the month was over, but she couldn’t help the sense of excitement that overtook her. She had to admit the night hadn’t gone overly well, but it had certainly gone better than expected. William was a difficult man, but she was certain she could find a way to his heart with time and perseverance.

She would need to sleep soon, especially if she was serious about living up to William’s little offer. It would be a little difficult at first no doubt, but she was certain she do it if she put her mind to it. If an improved work ethic was needed then she would happily obtain one if it meant William’s heart.

Despite the way her night had turned out – or perhaps because of it – she still made a point to avoid looking too long in any of her mirrors as she readied herself to bed down for the night. She needed to wind down if she was to get any sleep tonight, she thought that perhaps some warm milk and honey would help her.

It didn’t take her long to heat up her little drink, taking her time to make sure it wasn’t too hot before drinking most of it beside her stove. The liquid certainly warmed her and it didn’t take long for the sensation to make her feel a tad drowsy. With a contented sigh she set her cup in the sink and swayed back into her room. She hoped she wouldn’t be plagued by any nightmares tonight, especially if she wanted to be up on time in the morning.

Clad in her red silken nightgown she flopped onto her bed, curling up against her pile of pillows and pulling her crude Sebastian doll into her arms. She couldn’t help it that she liked to sleep with since she’d made it, something about its presence in her arms at night helped her sleep better.

Her alarm was set to wake up at an appropriate time in the morning and she was cozily nestled in her bed beneath her down comforter, it seemed that she should’ve been able to fall asleep with ease. For some reason though, she was only able to lay curled up in her bed and stare at her ceiling. Why was her mind so awake right now? Was it perhaps the sudden change in her options? Or maybe was she was questioning her want of this new option? Probably a little bit of both. It seemed that when one finally had the chance to have something they’d always wanted it seemed to lose its luster; but she was certain this would pass quickly, William wasn’t just something she wanted after all. No, for so long he had been something she’d pined for and now if she was lucky he would become more than just a want.

Eventually she managed to drift away to sleep, gently clutching to her crudely made burlap doll as she lay curled in her bed. Her dreams were the same as always, visions of herself as she should have been, of an eternal life where she could truly be happy. Dreams were a wonderful thing for immortals like herself, things that were to be cherished as they brought hope for the dullness that came along with eternity.

The sound of her alarm blaring roused her with ease, but she had no desire to wake just yet. She always preferred to sleep for as long as she could. As long as she remained asleep her dream world could continue, she would not have to face the prison she lived in; but of course such dreams were fleeting. With a groan she dragged herself from the comfort of her bed and the ease of her dreams to begin her morning routine and prepare for the day ahead for this would be the beginning of her test for William’s affections. Perhaps this was a foolish endeavor on her end, but what else could she do? She was well aware of the prospects for her eternity, if this was a chance for it to be easier on her then she would be a fool not to at least try to reach for it.

Then again, was this really what she wanted? William had always been such an unattainable prize, and now that she was closing in on it she almost didn’t know if she truly wanted to grasp it. His reactions to her advances might have been negative, but they were certainly better than him simply ignoring her altogether. _This could be the only chance, eternity is this bodily prison is bad enough….but to spend it alone is even worse_ she thought to herself as she sat on the edge of her bed, stretching her arms out above her head.

Her hair was always a mess in the morning. Tangled and sticking out at odd angles until she’d be able to wash it and brush it out. When she slowly slipped out of bed she took care to avoid the mirror until she’d showered and was ready for makeup, only then could she even think of facing it. Some days were better than others with that though, some days it almost didn’t bother her and she could feel the stirrings of confidence inside her, sometimes she would just do her best to ignore the way it reflected her greatest sadness, and others it filled her with such disgust that she wanted to smash it. However, the worst part of her routine was always the amount of time it takes, it forced her to wake up early if she wants to make it to the office on time.

Shower first.

She liked the water a little too hot, enough that it could wake her up as soon as she stepped in -- but after the initial sting she would always turn it down and can begin to actually wash up. Such was the rate of her mornings. She didn’t waste time enjoying her shower, instead setting to washing her hair and scrubbing at her skin without thought. That’s what she liked about this time of morning, everything felt easy and mechanical. She could just scrub away and there wasn’t really anything for her to worry about – at least not yet anyway.

The steaming water cascaded over her body as she hummed to herself, massaging her shampoo into her scalp as she took in the moment of relaxation. There was something about the pattering of the water on her skin in the otherwise silent morning that left her with a sense of peace that she didn’t get anywhere else. Even though she was technically on a bit of tight schedule in the morning, she liked to slow down in moments like this and just try and relax herself before the stresses of the day would no doubt begin to wear on her.

Oh well, she had work to do and she wasn’t going to go in looking like a mess. With a sigh she turned off her water and wrapped a towel around herself, stepping out to wrap her hair up in another towel. She’d just let it sit like that for a moment before she tackled that, her hair was always a bit of fight, but she did love it so.

Her morning ritual was important, the way she prepared herself was almost a science by now. She had to be feminine but practical, try to cover away all the masculine features of her face and still be sure that she didn’t look too artificial, it was a bit of a tasking thing. Even so, this was what she could do with her situation for the time being, the closest she could come to feeling right. Of course her makeup techniques had taken a few years to master, and there was a fair amount of trial and error, but she thought that she had her routine perfected by now.

Keeping her hair tightly wrapped she made her way to her wardrobe, quickly grabbing her usual work uniform and draping it over her arm before moving to her vanity. Taking care to turn herself away from her mirror she let her towel fall to a heap at her feet, shivering at the sudden feeling of cold air against her still somewhat damp skin.

No no, she shouldn’t be crawling back into bed for warmth, she _had_ to be at work today. With a shake of her head she quickly set to dressing herself, glad that she’d taken the time to tailor them just enough to give her a more feminine looking figure. It was little things like that that could make every day just a little more bearable.

Once she’d dressed herself she set to her makeup, the real artistry of her morning routine. With it she was able to watch her face shift the way she really wanted it to, after all her physical abilities at changing her appearance could only go so far. With every brush and every color she softened her features, decorated her eyes, and did absolutely everything that she could to paint herself as a proper lady.

She remembered when she’d first started wearing makeup every day, how she’d heard the snickers and saw the pointed fingers from the corner of her eyes. It had been a frustrating time for her, she was a junior trying to make herself as prominent as possible but no one wanted to believe she was capable if she couldn’t adhere to simple norms, they were all convinced that she wouldn’t last long at all. Of course she’d made certain to quell all thoughts that she was incapable, there hadn’t been a junior since her that had been able to handle field work as well as she had – slightly shoddy makeup and all. She really did live to prove those that doubted and mocked her wrong, it gave her a sense of superiority that she desperately needed at times.

Her thoughts went back to the present with a quick shake of her head. Once she’d finished blending her contours until they seemed natural and seamless she unwrapped the towel from her hair, glad that it was at least decently dry for the moment. If she planned this right then she should be able to make it into the office at least a few minutes before the start of her shift. If she was going to make the effort to actually adhere to William’s little contest for her then she wanted to be sure that she gave it a good running, after all it wasn’t often that anyone made her an offer like that – and she wasn’t about to lose any competition either.

She tugged her thick locks over her shoulder, grabbing the brush to begin working her way through it. It was a bit of tedious process, but it was a necessary one to take care of her best feature. How happy she’d been when she’d finally started growing it out, glad to see the end of the short hair her mother had always insisted on, and now it was a source of pride for her. Her hair was always to be handled with as much care as possible so that it could remain as soft as silk and not end in a tangled mess despite its thickness. That’s why even when she was running late she still took time to make sure that her hair was at least presentable looking. She also found the act of brushing her hair calming, something that she could do without too much thought that still left her feeling feminine and beautiful – and it was certainly a good way to help her hair dry before work.

Several minutes later she let out a content sounding sigh, gazing fondly at the reflection of her hair in the mirror. “A maiden is nothing without her face and her hair, and I’ve perfected both~.” She chimed, feeling her sense of pride well up at how lovely she looked for the moment. She tossed her hair back over her shoulder, whatever wasn’t already dry would be finished soon enough.

Her eyes flicked the clock on her bedroom wall, so far it seemed like her timing was right. Hopping from her vanity she slipped out of her room quickly, making a beeline for her coat and shoes. Sometimes the silence in her flat was daunting and lonely, but in moment like this where she had a hope inside her, it was almost like a silent nudge to keep going and press on just a little longer. She slipped her heels on, making sure that she secured all their buttons so there wouldn’t be a chance of them coming loose. Then she slipped her stolen coat on to complete her work ensemble, finally prepared to enter the first day of trial period.

Without another thought she ported herself to the lobby of the Dispatch, giving a slight shake to get rid of the slightly stiff feeling porting always seemed to give her. However, she was glad to see that she was right on schedule. With a slight spring in her step she headed towards the area that housed Collections, ready to punch in and begin the next month of superior work. It would be a bit of a challenge to keep her work juggled with the other dates that William promised her and with trying to keep a good hold on her own stresses, but surely the end prize would be worth the trouble.

She didn’t even bother to stop by her office first, instead going directly to William’s office to pick up the day’s reports. Of course she didn’t bother knocking or even trying to announce her presence.

“I’m here for my reports Will~”

She saw William’s eyes flick from her to the clock that hung on his office wall before returning to whatever paperwork he’d been working on before she came in. He didn’t answer right away, and she had to admit it made her a little nervous. Her gloved fingertips drummed against the tops of her thighs while she waited for him, resisting the urge to start squirming.

“You’re actually on time, that’s a first.”

His voice came out in his usual cold succinct manner, his eyes never once leaving his paperwork. Grell wasn’t entirely certain how she was to handle it when all that could be heard was the sound of his pen scratching at the paper before him. How she hated waiting like this, but she thought it best not to interrupt him.

Finally he gave a slight sigh and set his pen down, finally turning his head up to face her. “Your assignments are right there,” he said as he gestured towards the corner of his desk before continuing. “You only have one field assignment today and I do not want to hear of you getting distracted _or_ gallivanting about with filth.” As he finished his orders his eyes turned up to her, narrowed with a sense of seriousness.

The redhead gave a quick nod of her head, grinning broadly as she moved forward to reach for her reports. She grabbed them and held them loosely without much care, gently tapping them to her shoulder. “Oh darling~ you have nothing to worry about, a lady like me is perfectly capable of handling a single assignment~ by herself.” She chimed with a nonchalant flick of her free wrist in his direction.

William gave an irritated sneer at her, reaching a hand up to rub at the sides of his nose. “Sutcliff, I do not want to listen to your petty declarations, I want you to do your job or have you already forgotten about our little agreement?”

“No, of course not.”

“Then you’ll recall that a good portion of it is based on your work performance, and I would have thought that you wouldn’t want to fail out of it within the first week, or are you really that painfully incompetent?”

She almost felt like wincing at his words, but she stood her ground and only nodded at his words. “I can give you my word today’s work will be handled professionally and efficiently.”

“See that it is, now leave before you settle yourself with overtime.” He said dismissively, his eyes returning to his paperwork as his hand shooed her from his sight.

Grell didn’t need to be told twice. She gave him a somewhat flourished bow and slipped out of his office, grin etched into her features. She truly did love a man who made her work for his affections, a challenge like this was right up her alley. If he was willing to at least give her a chance then it would only be a matter of time before his attitude towards her would soften as well.

With a slight skip she made her way to her own office, absently flipping through her files for the day. The field assignment wouldn’t take up too much of her time, but the paperwork did look a little daunting. No matter, she was a woman of determination and this was just another opportunity to prove it.

She opened her office door and slipped inside, unceremoniously plopping herself into her chair and dumping her reports on her desk. Even if she was determined to do this right that didn’t mean she could just snap herself out of her procrastination habits. For a moment she sat there just staring absently at the folders before her, trying to force herself to actually begin. With a slight sigh she pulled off her gloves, inspecting her nails and fingertips.

Her hands were littered with scars, both small and large. Though she took as much care as she could to keep her hands as soft as possible she knew that it wasn’t likely that she’d ever be able to rid her skin of those imperfections. Her face took on a slightly sad expression as she stared at her skin, every scar held a memory of a time when she hadn’t been able to control the feelings inside her. Times where she’d gotten into fights, times when the only thing that made sense was to put her body through as much pain as she could, times where she’d just need to do _something_ to calm the things that raged inside her.

For so long that had been the only way she could make sense of everything, it was the only way she could make herself feel any better about her situation. In the academy she’d been known for her ferocity, and for good reason of course. Aside from the sparring ring with the other collections students she’d also gotten into more fights than anyone else in her class, things like that could quickly garnish a reputation. Of course that reputation was called into question once she’d actually graduated, once she’d done that she had no reason to pretend to be something she wasn’t. She was no longer a young man with an unexplainable anger, instead she was a young woman finally free to live as she’d always wanted to – not that anyone actually listened to her about that. No, they had all just assumed that she’d finally lost what little sanity she still had. It had been a bittersweet time for her, finally being free to be live as she wanted but no one would believe what she said to be true, they all thought it to be some kind of joke. After all, what young man with promising talent would suddenly insist on being referred to as woman and make declarations that he’d always been a woman?

She shook her head to force herself out of her little reverie, her focus had to be on work today. With a sigh she shook out her hands and pulled her chair closer to her desk, thinking that putting herself in a working position would help to put her in the right mindset. The folder containing field work was the easiest to spot, seeing at it was clearly marked with red tape at the top – something that she’d always found rather pleasant. Everything else on the other were her old reports as well as reports from several juniors that she was to go through and check for inconsistencies and mark in all the appropriate places, the paperwork was the least glamorous part of her job.

“Some of this is just ghastly.” She muttered as she started to open her files, eyes giving cursory glances to some of what she had to go over.  

Part of her job as a Senior was to go through the reports the juniors filed, see what they had missed and make comparisons to what others had filled out, it was tedious work but it was becoming more and more of a necessity with each new wave of recruits. In truth she found the lack of pride in the workplace rather irritating, even if paperwork was her least favorite part of the job she was perfectly capable of doing it correctly. She thought that perhaps the newest additions weren’t really understanding the magnitude of working there, but that’s where she came in. As long as she retained her position then she would see to it that no juniors under her tutelage ever came close to some of sloppy habits that the others had.

If anything could be said for her it was certain that she’d trained some of their best up and coming juniors. She maintained a somewhat strict set of guidelines that she held herself to whenever she was a given a junior. Within the first week they were either terrified out of their skin or they’d already put in a request for a new mentor, but she thought that was just a way to weed out those too weak to train under her. Grell didn’t want to be responsible for throwing underlings into the field without having them properly prepared, and the best way to prepare them was to be somewhat merciless.

Seniors were paired with a new Junior after every set of graduation – at least for those that actually made it into the Collections program after some further testing. From that point there grows to be a certain hierarchy between a Senior and all their underlings. Different levels of Juniors helps to keep things under control and prevent the over extension of the Senior staff. Fresh Juniors didn’t have a chance to do actual field work for the first couple of years; instead they were designated as nothing more than little messengers and helpers for their seniors, then they move to accompanying and observing their senior on field work, then to joint field work, small assignments on their own, and eventually working completely on their own or with their designated partner – all at their Senior’s discretion of course.

Grell had been one to move quickly through the ranks, earning a place among the Senior Staff within 15 years, the only one who’d moved faster than she did was William – which why he now held the Supervisors position. Truth be told of course, their previous supervisor hadn’t been a man of great ambition or skill, William had certainly done better in his time there than his predecessor had. On the other hand, Grell was perfectly content with her position, she had no want for the responsibilities of a higher position when her current one suited her personality so well.

For the time being however, her focus had to remain on the work in front of her. The sooner she finished her reports the more likely it was that William would be at least a little impressed with her. Having an actual, tangible goal for her to work towards certainly made focusing on her work a bit easier, and having William as that goal only helped to strengthen her resolve. Of course she wondered if maybe she was trying so hard for the wrong reason, in truth she wasn’t sure if it was William or validation that she wanted.

Oh well, she’d find out soon enough.

Her pen absently tapped against her desk as her eyes ran through line after line of text, trying to be sure that she didn’t miss anything that could land her in trouble. Tedious as it was she slowly found herself moving into a kind of rhythm, a cycle of cursory glances and double checking before switching to the next file. Her eyes gave the occasional flick up to the clock that hung on her wall, desperately wishing that the appointed hour would come faster so she could at least enjoy the thrill of the field again.

She really wasn’t meant to just sit in an office and do paperwork all day, it just wasn’t in her nature. It was so easy for her to grow restless when she had to sit like this for so long, trying to focus on something so monotonous that she began to feel like what little sanity she had was slipping away from her. When she was like this she thought that maybe she understood what drove others of their kind to run from the work, but somehow she doubted she’d ever really be able to leave it behind.

Her eyes flicked over the clock that hung in her office, willing it to move closer to the time where she’d be able to leave the office and actually participate in her favorite part of her job. For now she at least had to keep trying to focus on the work she’d already been given, if she got a good part of it finished before she had to go then she should’ve been able to breeze through the rest of it on her return.

A quick shake of her head and she was back to her paperwork, for a little while at least. She thought she was at least deserving of a little break for working through such a good amount of the pile of paperwork on her desk – besides, she should at least check in on her juniors. Part of being a Senior meant she had to make sure her subordinates were up to par as well, even if her own work ethic was a little shabby she wasn’t about to let the boys she trained fall below the best.

Grell pushed herself away from her desk arms stretching out above her head until she heard a satisfying pop in her back. She was certain that she deserved a little break by now, she’d been working diligently after all. Letting a high yawn leave her lips she stood from her seat and sauntered towards her door, pushing it open and slipping out with a grin.

She enjoyed this portion of the day, the halls weren’t very crowded and it didn’t feel like everyone was in a rush to finish before clocking out for the day. Her heels clicked against the floor as she made a straight line for the break room, only slowing down to check on Ronald’s cubicle – she still had to make sure her Junior was keeping up with his work.

However, it seemed that his work station was empty. She knew that she shouldn’t have been surprised, she had authorized to boy to have a few solo missions after all – and he still had plenty of partner opportunities she’d given him as well. In truth she was glad to see that he showed dedication, and certainly had a better work ethic than she did most of the time. Grell knew that those she trained would one day be at her level or even possibly surpass her one day and she wanted to be certain that they were the more than capable of getting the job done. Ronald was certainly on his way to that position and she was proud to see the ways that he excelled, though she would of course attribute part of that to the ways that she’d trained him.

Giving a slight shake of her head she set her attention back to the break room, swaying towards the doorway and walking in with a grin firmly etched into her lips.

Upon entering she was surprised to see William there, she had rarely seen him actually leave his office during the workday and seeing him in the break room was an ever rarer experience. Still, she thought perhaps it was a good opportunity to show off her ‘changed’ behavior.

“Will~ I hadn’t expected to find you here – I would’ve thought that you’d still be slaving away at all that nasty~ paperwork.” She purred, moving to stand beside him so she could prepare herself some tea.

She felt him stiffen at her proximity and saw the familiar tick of his brows in irritation, but she still stayed firmly planted.

“Even I am entitled to a refreshment during the workday Sutcliff, however seeing as you are here that means that you’re _not_ doing your own paperwork as you should be doing.” He replied curtly.

“Actually I’ve gotten quite a bit of it done, I wanted it finished before my field assignment. I told you that I was going to pick up the pace and that’s what I’m doing.” She hoped that would serve him to understand that she was willing to at least try to meet his demands, if she could do that then she thought he would at least be more open to cutting her some slack in her test period.

William raised a brow at her, though his expression still remained unimpressed.

“I’m glad to see that you’ve done the smart thing and begun to take my advice, but I shan’t actually believe you to be capable of following it until I see some evidence to support it.”

She had to admit the way he dismissed her only made her want to do exactly that, she wanted to prove to him that she was capable, that if she only continued to try she would be someone that he could invest himself in. If she was worth that then it seemed possible that maybe she might be worth loving too.

“Don’t worry you will~ be seeing it.” She purred, moving forward to drape herself against his shoulder, feral teeth peeking out in a cheshire grin.

“Get off.” He didn’t even wait for her to remove herself, instead simply shoving her away as always. “That is not going to help your case, learn some control you heathen.”

She retracted a bit when he spoke, lips puffed out in a slight pout – she’d only been playing. True she’d long since grown used to being brushed off by him, but she thought that she might’ve earned at least one little flirting moment by now. Oh well, he’d come around eventually; besides, he’d already started to if he’d been willing to start giving her a chance and that was really all she needed in the first place.

Grell watched him walk away without another word, posture stiff and aura cold as always. She really couldn’t help that she found things like that so attractive, having to work for a man’s love meant they could see past her faults once she’d made her way into their hearts. Working hard for something meant it was harder for someone else to take away and she wanted to be certain that no one would be able to take a man she’d chosen for herself – even if she knew she wasn’t really likely to have him in the first place.

Finishing her own tea preparations she took her cup back to her office, plopping down in her chair once again and pulling her reports back to her. Once she had more of these filled out she could leave for the field and finish everything else out after that. Timing was the best way to make sure she actually completed everything, setting time limits so she couldn’t procrastinate everything until the _very_ last minute.

The redhead drove all her focus into scribbling away at her paperwork, only looking up occasionally to make sure she was still on the right track to get out to her field assignment. That was all the mattered to her, the chance to get out and feel the weight of human life in her hands, that feeling was one that she lived for now. She didn’t want to grow stagnant and filled with overflowing madness again, she couldn’t risk another Angelina – too many incidents like that and it was likely that the council would consider her more trouble than an asset.

She dutifully scribbled away before her eyes darted to the clock once more and she let pen drop unceremoniously. The time for leaving was upon her and she wasn’t to be late for that. A grin stretched across her lips as she stood up, brushing her hair back behind her shoulders before swaying out of her office. She’d memorized the place she was supposed to be and was planning on arriving just a little early to be certain that she wouldn’t have a chance of messing up – not that she was likely to do that anyway.

Once her office was safely locked up she straightened her jacket around her arms, feeling the familiar excitement welling up inside her. This life was supposed to be a punishment for her (and there were many days where it truly felt like that) but when she felt that excitement she couldn’t help but feel like maybe this was supposed to be her destiny.


End file.
